View Full Version : Re: Rebuttle (Joke): Fwd: Santa Claus for scientific minded

12-20-1996, 12:46 PM
Paul Fiolkowski wrote:
> To whom it may concern,
> After reading the following post, I don't think there's any room on this
> site for anti-Cathoic bigotry. yes, it may just be laughed off. the
> "breeding like rabbits" and "you don't know Catholics" but I don't find
> religious prejudice and stereotyping particularly funny. Maybe it's
> acceptable in some parts of the globe, but I expect a somewhat more
> enlightened approach on this discussion list.
> Too bad I was dissapointed.
> In short, if you're going to slander Catholics in the future, keep it in
> the country club or wherever else you like to ridicule other people.
> there's no room here for narrow-mindedness and petty religious
> prejudices.
> Leave it elsewhere
> Paul Fiolkowski
> atcpaul@grove.ufl.edu
> On Wed, 18 Dec 1996, Doug Griffin wrote:
> > Dear Biomech-L
> >
> > This is in regards to the "[Fwd: Santa Claus for scientific minded]" posting
> > presented earlier today on Bioech-L. In all fairness to the less-scientific
> > viewpoint, I present to you a rebuttle which was forwarded to me earlier
> > today*.
> >
> > Enjoy,
> >
> > Doug Griffin
> >
> > *(This posting isn't necessarily the view of the author.)
> >
> >
> > Rebuttal: Several key points are overlooked by the science based study.
> >
> > 1) Flying reindeer: As is widely known (due to the excellent historical
> > documentary "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," the flying reindeer are not a
> > previously unknown species of reindeer, but were in fact given the power of
> > flight due to eating magic acorns. As is conclusively proven in "Rudolph the
> > Red-Nosed Reindeer" (a no-punches-pulled look at life in Santa's village),
> > this ability has bred true in subsequent generations of reindeer-- obviously
> > the magic acorns imprinted their power on a dominant gene sequence within the
> > reindeer DNA strand.
> >
> > 2) Number of households: This figure overlooks two key facts. First of all,
> > the first major schism in the Church split the Eastern Churches, centered in
> > Byzantium, from the Western, which remained centered in Rome. This occurred
> > prior to the Gregorian correction to the Julian calendar. The Eastern
> > churches (currently called Orthodox Churches) do not recognize the Gregorian
> > correction for liturgical events, and their Christmas is, as a result,
> > several days after that of the Western Churches'. Thus, Santa gets two shots
> > at delivering toys.
> >
> > The figure of 3.5 children per household is based on the gross demographic
> > average, which includes households with no children at all. The number of
> > children per household, when figured as an average for households with
> > children, would therefore have to be adjusted upward. Also, the largest
> > single Christian denomination is Roman Catholic, who, as we all know, breed
> > like rabbits. Due to the predominance of Catholics within Christian
> > households, the total number of households containing Christian children
> > would have to be adjusted downward to reflect the overloading of Catholics
> > beyond a standard deviation from the median.
> >
> > The assertion that each home would contain at least one good child would be
> > reasonable enough if there were in fact an even 3.5 children per household.
> > However, since the number of children per household is distributed
> > integrally, there is a significant number (on the order of several million)
> > of one-child Christian households. Even though only children are notoriously
> > spoiled--and therefore disproportionately inclined toward being
> > naughty--since it's the holidays we'll be generous and give them a
> > fifty-fifty chance of being nice. This removes one half of the single-child
> > households from Santa's delivery schedule, which has already been reduced by
> > the removal of the Orthodox households from the first delivery run.
> >
> > 3) Santa's delivery run (speed, payload, etc.): These all suffer from the
> > dubious supposition that there is only one Santa Claus. The name "Santa" is
> > obviously either Spanish or Italian, two ethnic groups which are both
> > overwhelmingly Catholic. The last name Claus suggests a joint German/Italian
> > background. His beginnings, battling the Burgermeister Meisterburger, suggest
> > he grew up in Bavaria (also predominantly Catholic). The Kaiser style
> > helmets of the Burgermeister's guards, coupled with the relative isolation of
> > the village, suggest that his youth was at the very beginning of Prussian
> > influence in Germany. Thus, Santa and Mrs. Claus have been together for well
> > over one hundred years. If you think that after a hundred years of living at
> > the North Pole with nights six months long that they remain childless, you
> > either don't know Catholics or are unaware of the failure rate of the rhythm
> > method. There have therefore been over five generations of Clauses, breeding
> > like Catholics for over one hundred years. Since they are Catholic, their
> > exponential population increase would obviously have a gain higher than the
> > world population as a whole. There have therefore been more than enough new
> > Santas to overcome the population increase of the world. So in fact, Santa
> > has an easier time of it now than he did when he first started out.
> >
> > Santa dead? Some people will twist any statistic to "prove" their cynical
> > theory.
> >
Yes, I absolutely agree!!!!! Three cheers for standing your ground!!

This site and mail list is to be of a professional basis, to which
bigotry of ANY FORM is NOT welcomed or desired!!!