View Full Version : Re: Rebuttle (Joke): Fwd: Santa Claus for scientific minded

Paul Fiolkowski
12-20-1996, 01:46 PM
To whom it may concern,

After reading the following post, I don't think there's any room on this
site for anti-Cathoic bigotry. yes, it may just be laughed off. the
"breeding like rabbits" and "you don't know Catholics" but I don't find
religious prejudice and stereotyping particularly funny. Maybe it's
acceptable in some parts of the globe, but I expect a somewhat more
enlightened approach on this discussion list.

Too bad I was dissapointed.

In short, if you're going to slander Catholics in the future, keep it in
the country club or wherever else you like to ridicule other people.
there's no room here for narrow-mindedness and petty religious

Leave it elsewhere

Paul Fiolkowski

On Wed, 18 Dec 1996, Doug Griffin wrote:

> Dear Biomech-L
> This is in regards to the "[Fwd: Santa Claus for scientific minded]" posting
> presented earlier today on Bioech-L. In all fairness to the less-scientific
> viewpoint, I present to you a rebuttle which was forwarded to me earlier
> today*.
> Enjoy,
> Doug Griffin
> *(This posting isn't necessarily the view of the author.)
> Rebuttal: Several key points are overlooked by the science based study.
> 1) Flying reindeer: As is widely known (due to the excellent historical
> documentary "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," the flying reindeer are not a
> previously unknown species of reindeer, but were in fact given the power of
> flight due to eating magic acorns. As is conclusively proven in "Rudolph the
> Red-Nosed Reindeer" (a no-punches-pulled look at life in Santa's village),
> this ability has bred true in subsequent generations of reindeer-- obviously
> the magic acorns imprinted their power on a dominant gene sequence within the
> reindeer DNA strand.
> 2) Number of households: This figure overlooks two key facts. First of all,
> the first major schism in the Church split the Eastern Churches, centered in
> Byzantium, from the Western, which remained centered in Rome. This occurred
> prior to the Gregorian correction to the Julian calendar. The Eastern
> churches (currently called Orthodox Churches) do not recognize the Gregorian
> correction for liturgical events, and their Christmas is, as a result,
> several days after that of the Western Churches'. Thus, Santa gets two shots
> at delivering toys.
> The figure of 3.5 children per household is based on the gross demographic
> average, which includes households with no children at all. The number of
> children per household, when figured as an average for households with
> children, would therefore have to be adjusted upward. Also, the largest
> single Christian denomination is Roman Catholic, who, as we all know, breed
> like rabbits. Due to the predominance of Catholics within Christian
> households, the total number of households containing Christian children
> would have to be adjusted downward to reflect the overloading of Catholics
> beyond a standard deviation from the median.
> The assertion that each home would contain at least one good child would be
> reasonable enough if there were in fact an even 3.5 children per household.
> However, since the number of children per household is distributed
> integrally, there is a significant number (on the order of several million)
> of one-child Christian households. Even though only children are notoriously
> spoiled--and therefore disproportionately inclined toward being
> naughty--since it's the holidays we'll be generous and give them a
> fifty-fifty chance of being nice. This removes one half of the single-child
> households from Santa's delivery schedule, which has already been reduced by
> the removal of the Orthodox households from the first delivery run.
> 3) Santa's delivery run (speed, payload, etc.): These all suffer from the
> dubious supposition that there is only one Santa Claus. The name "Santa" is
> obviously either Spanish or Italian, two ethnic groups which are both
> overwhelmingly Catholic. The last name Claus suggests a joint German/Italian
> background. His beginnings, battling the Burgermeister Meisterburger, suggest
> he grew up in Bavaria (also predominantly Catholic). The Kaiser style
> helmets of the Burgermeister's guards, coupled with the relative isolation of
> the village, suggest that his youth was at the very beginning of Prussian
> influence in Germany. Thus, Santa and Mrs. Claus have been together for well
> over one hundred years. If you think that after a hundred years of living at
> the North Pole with nights six months long that they remain childless, you
> either don't know Catholics or are unaware of the failure rate of the rhythm
> method. There have therefore been over five generations of Clauses, breeding
> like Catholics for over one hundred years. Since they are Catholic, their
> exponential population increase would obviously have a gain higher than the
> world population as a whole. There have therefore been more than enough new
> Santas to overcome the population increase of the world. So in fact, Santa
> has an easier time of it now than he did when he first started out.
> Santa dead? Some people will twist any statistic to "prove" their cynical
> theory.