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[Fwd: Santa Claus for scientific minded]

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  • [Fwd: Santa Claus for scientific minded]

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    --- FWD ---
    ================================================== ==
    Larry Lawhorn, OTR
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    Every Child smiles in the same language. - Anonymous
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    Received: from [] by id 850511592.79627-1 Fri Dec 13 21:13:12 1996
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    Date: Fri, 13 Dec 1996 10:05:35 -0600
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    Subject: Santa Claus for scientific minded
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    As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help
    from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am
    pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

    1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species
    of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are
    insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer
    which only Santa has ever seen.

    2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT
    since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and
    Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378
    million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census)
    rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One
    presumes there's at least one good child in each.

    3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
    time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to
    west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
    This is to say that for each Christian household with good children,
    Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down
    the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under
    the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney,
    get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that
    each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth
    (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our
    calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per
    household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do
    what most of us must do at least once every 31hours, plus feeding and
    etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second,
    3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes
    of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space
    probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer
    can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

    4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
    that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2
    pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is
    invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can
    pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see
    point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job
    with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the
    payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons.
    Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen

    5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
    resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
    spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
    will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In
    short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the
    reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.
    The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a
    second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces
    17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound
    Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his
    sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

    In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's
    dead now.